5 Seemingly Helpful Beliefs That Could Be Holding You Back with Marc & Teresa

Hey, my name is Teresa Hildebrand and this is Organized Chaos. We take a deep dive into living with intentionality, focusing on what's important in our lives so we can truly feel our best. It may feel chaotic at times, but with a little organization, the right mindset and a ton of self-love, we can still thrive. Join me as we talk to other busy moms and experts who will share tips and strategies to help you reach your goals. Hope you enjoy this episode of Organized Chaos. Now on to the show.

Have you ever felt like I'm stuck and I have no idea why I'm here? There's just something that's holding you back and you can't put your finger on it. I remember hearing this quote like what you don't know can't hurt you, and I'm like that is the most dumbest quote I've ever heard, because what you don't know will absolutely hurt you, because you don't know how to tackle it. You don't know how to, like, lean into the different strategies, the different skills, the different things that you need to find to be able to make your way out of that feeling of stuck. And that, my friends, is what we're going to dive into today. So recently we did this training about our thoughts, really about our subconscious thoughts, the things that sometimes can keep us stuck, and you're going to hear five different ways that we can think that you don't even like you're not even aware of. That literally could keep you stuck. It could keep you in the rat race and never, like you can constantly be giving more and more and more and more and never find a way to reach your true potential. Because these thoughts are things that are like literally running the show. In that training we talked a lot about, like how our brains really function and when we have, like, this underlying filter, based off of things that have happened to us in the past, based off of, maybe, things that people have told us multiple times maybe they said you're terrible at math, maybe you said you're a bad leader, maybe they said, like you'll never amount to anything and it gets stuck in there. And when it's stuck in there and it's the filter that everything runs through, you don't realize why you can't achieve that specific goal on the outside, and it's because you're stuck on the inside. And we want to tackle these five different beliefs. There's many different beliefs that you can actually, that can cause you to be stuck, but these five are the ones that we see most frequently, not only in our own personal life, but from the thousands of people that we have helped coach. And when you become aware of this, when you know what's actually hurting you, you can actually find the key to getting past it, and that's what we're going to do for you guys here today. But welcome back to the call. How are you doing Good?

Thank you.

Oh, amazing. So if somebody didn't capture last weekend's workshop, what was it that we talked about again?

Oh, you're going to put me on the spot. We were talking about mentoring leaders.

Yes, all about that. All about like how to empower other women leaders and some of the difficulties, but also like some of the superpowers that women have over lead. Being a while being a leader and it was extremely powerful I learned a lot. Thank you so much for that. That's definitely something that's going to help with Alyssa. So let's dive into all these beliefs. Now here's what I have to say before we actually dive into these five different beliefs these are not actual, aaron. Good morning, good morning, good morning. These aren't actual, like things that you're consciously aware of. What I typically do is, during a coaching session, I will ask a group of powerful questions to find out what the service level thing thought is. Maybe it's like I just don't have time, I just don't have the energy, I just don't have the money, but when you dive in deeper, you get to the root of the cause. So you're not going to be like, oh my God, like I don't have this thought, like consciously and the truth is, you're probably right it's somewhere hidden, a bunch of levels deep, and when you think about it at its core, you're like, wow, if I believe this thought, no wonder why I can't get myself unstuck. So we're going to bring some awareness to this. We'll show you how I can show up in people's lives and what you can do when it comes to seeing these and discovering these, what you can do to move forward. So we're going to kick it over to Teresa and she's going to talk about belief number one, ready to go.

Yeah, but before we get started, I know that this particular topic is where you're going to have your aha moments because, like Mark said, some of these or most of these beliefs are not consciously aware of these. They present themselves on the outside differently. So that's why it's going to be important for us to kind of show like how it does present in our lives, because these are some of the things that are going on in the background that are really driving our behavior. Right. Your thoughts and our beliefs drive behavior, so this is what can be keeping you stuck. So we wanted to share these in particular, because they may seem like they're pretty helpful beliefs, but in reality they're not. So I'm going to dive into belief number one, and that is perfection is the goal. If there are any perfectionists out there, which many of us are, then this is a belief that we feel is a good belief, right, because we think well, we just do the best we can. But what that really means is everything has to be perfect and we have to be perfect. And if we really define what perfectionism is, it's striving for flawlessness and setting really, really crazy high standards for our performance, and it's accompanied by a tendency to be overcritical, to be overcritical about ourselves and about other situations. So just imagine that in your life where you feel like everything has to be perfect or you've failed, so it's either it's all or nothing, right. This is kind of like another belief that is very similar to perfectionism. And this could have come from many, many different things, right, like where do these beliefs come from? Right. But it could be that, you know, maybe as a child you were told that you had to have the perfect grades right, or you had to. You know, if you were doing sports, you also had to be like a straight, a student and like everything had to be perfect. So what happens when we get to adulthood? Then everything is goes through. That lens, that belief Everything has to be perfect. So we kind of live our life thinking this and, like I said, it's deep down Sometimes, like we're not consciously aware of that, we're not consciously saying everything has to be perfect, I'm a perfectionist, blah, blah, blah. Like no, like we think, oh well, I'm gonna really try my best. Like I really wanna, you know, get this interview right. Like I have this project and you know this is I'm planning it out and this is the way that it's gonna be. And in reality we're thinking if something goes wrong then we're not enough right, because we internalize those things. If something happens on the outside, we internalize it, thinking that it's because of us, there's something wrong with us. So we tend to wish that everything will to be perfect or to be correct, right, and that means we have to be perfect and we have to be correct or right. So, like I said, perfectionism can stem from the dissatisfaction with where we are and who we are, and that's a really dangerous place to be right, and because of that, nothing is ever good enough. So the reason this belief does not help us in any way is because if we're striving for perfection, then we're never gonna get there because perfect doesn't exist, right? So we are striving for something impossible. So what does that do? It just keeps us in a cycle of never feeling good enough or never achieving your goals or anything like that, because if you're striving for something that doesn't exist, then what's gonna happen, right? So obviously this is a limiting belief. I mean, I've kind of already explained how that can limit you. It can keep you stuck, because you can never get out of that, you can never get out of the mentality that everything has to go right and because nothing can ever go right or in totality right, like certain things can go right and some things can go wrong. But if you're always thinking that everything has to be perfect, then that's never gonna happen. I can probably come up with a hundred different situations where I have felt like I have failed or I'm not good enough. Because I was striving for perfection right, I was always striving for being the perfect employee right, never doing anything wrong. And if I ever stepped out of that, or if I ever got scolded or said, hey, you made this mistake here, I would feel like I was not good enough because I told myself everything has to be perfect. Not consciously, but my beliefs deep down inside was like this has to be perfect or you suck, right. So, as you can see, having this belief is just going to be this perpetual thing that's gonna continue to show this mirror back at you that you're not good enough, ever, right. So an alternative to this, another belief that you can have, is progress over perfection. Right, we're always gonna be a work in progress, always. That's just how life is. You're always going to make progress, because nothing is ever going to be perfect. So if you start to believe, okay, well, I just have to get from point A to point B, and it's not gonna be, and it might be a little messy, but at least that's the milestone I can get to, and then I can get to the next step, and it's just about making progress. And if you feel like nothing doesn't have to be perfect and that you're not gonna be perfect, then you can start to move forward, because progress will push you forward. Perfection will just keep you stuck.

I love that. I love that so much. And a couple of things kind of came up as you were just having that conversation, because perfection as the goal can kind of seem like sometimes, if you don't strive for that perfection, well, it's gonna go the opposite way and you're just gonna be just a complete mess and sometimes our brain will get us to think that way, but that's like never the problem that we're ever gonna experience. It's kind of like when people are like man, I just wanna be a really good parent. If the fact that being a good parent is important to you, you're gonna be a good parent. It's gonna happen because you're like focused on becoming a better parent. Because guess what People who are like striving for perfection, they're never going to like just do the bare minimum. It's literally ingrained in them. It's the reason why you're leaning into like this even conversation, because you're like yes, I want perfection, right, so you don't have to worry about that. Those are all things that your brain will try and trap you into thinking so that you don't take the steps that you need to take.

I gotta tell you like Sorry, it'll actually go in a different direction, like you said. So if you're striving for perfection, you are actually gonna make mistakes. You're actually going to. It's gonna manifest into something that you were trying to avoid, Like it. Just that's just how it works 100%.

Yeah, and I mean thinking about this logically you cannot perfect something until you put it out into the world. Can I just tell you how many thousands of entrepreneurs and business owners that I have to struggle through to get them to just put it out in the world? It needs to be perfect. The sales page needs to be perfect. My program needs to be perfect. My coaching needs to be perfect. My ad and I'm like. You cannot perfect it in your brain. You are not gonna be the one consuming this. Your client is. You have to put it out into the world and it's not gonna be perfect, but you'll get it even closer to that version of perfect when you put it out there and when you get feedback and when you actually get people to walk through it right. I remember hearing one of my mentors said 70% perfect is perfect, 100% perfect is failure, because if you take the amount of time that it takes to get it to be 100% perfect and then put it out there and then find out that it's not perfect, that is gonna be a huge hit not only to your ego but also to, like, your ability of continuing to move it on. You cannot have perfect until you put it out into the world and do you see what it is and you make adjustments to it. So, finding out what that 70% is and then just crushing it, putting it down, putting it out there like that is the thing you need to do to make it even even better. I mean, there's so many expectations around this whole thing idea being perfect, but I wanna take also one step further, because we are modern leaders modern leadership, right. So I want you to think about are you instilling in the people you lead, in your family, in your kids, that they need to be perfect in order for them to get your love and appreciation? And, if so, is that something you wanna tackle? Is that something you wanna change Like? If you don't, it's totally cool. But I want you to become aware of this, because if you have this internal drive of being perfect and you're now passing this off to your kids, to the people that you lead, I want you to know. You're consciously now aware of that and I want you to do something different if you decide that's the right move for you. Right? Because this is always going around in my head when I hear my daughter making a mistake in soccer or my son making a mistake over here in his game or at school or whatever, I'm constantly like it's all about progress, not perfection, like what can we do better next time, but also like this is just a part of the game. I make mistakes. It's never perfect for me, and so when I think about that, the impact that it's gonna make on them, I always remind myself in the moment. Mark, this doesn't have to be perfect, and don't think that it has to, because you're gonna pass this on to other people. So these beliefs they're so critical to like not only identify for you, but for the people you lead as well, because it's very easy for you to pass along beliefs to other people and you don't even know it, because they're subconscious beliefs. That's why we wanted to tackle these five, and that was only one, so you crushed that one, so great job, okay. Next one is failure is not an option. Failure is not an option For all my coaches out there. I wanna give you a strategy to use whenever somebody says that word failure, and even if you're not a coach, I want you to ask yourself this what does failure look like in this situation? I want you to actually paint a picture of me describe. What does failure look like? Most of the time, the way that we associate failure for me is like I stop, I quit and I never do anything, ever again. And I always ask myself, well, is that a part of this equation? And I'm like, no, I just did this thing, it didn't work and now I'm gonna readjust it and figure out a different way. So I didn't fail, but my brain tries to convince me that I did so. When we have this idea of philosophy of failure like failure is not an option, like I want you to lean into that Cause, like we talked about the beginning perfection. The reason why we're looking for perfection is cause we don't wanna fail. We don't want there to be any like a feelings of, of, like what's gonna happen if, like, I put this out there and nobody comes? What's gonna happen if I try this and nobody does this? And it's this fear that literally can drive all of our actions and inactions, because we're afraid of like what we put it out there. If it's not perfect, what are people gonna think? What are people gonna say? Those are other ways that the actual feel fear of failure or even the fear of being perfect it might come up as like what are people gonna think if I put this out there, right, and these are all like that? Those deep thoughts is like well, failure is not an option for me. I can't fail. Well then, define what failure means to you, because a lot of times we hold ourselves to a standard that we don't even understand. Like what? Even we haven't defined what failure is. But we've already now said that we failed and, in reality, failure is the first like stone, it's the first stepping stone to success. How many of you guys, if you're business owners and entrepreneurs, literally help people right now at things you failed with and at for a very long time? I mean, you guys are watching this channel because I've failed so much that I have so much to talk to you guys about, like literally every single one of these topics. I think we are only at 652 videos, so I failed 652 times and I came to give you guys my secrets to those. And that's like the tip of the iceberg, you know, when you see those big pictures where the iceberg's underground, and it's because I'm willing to fail. They often say the person who gets success the fastest is the one who's willing to fail the hardest and the fastest. Now I do have to agree, like I do have to say that I'm not. Sometimes I'm not willing to fail as hard and as fast as I want to or as I wish I could, but it's like always when I'm in pursuit of it, I remember like, hey, the goal here. Not only is it not perfection, but I know that I'm gonna fail. And only two things are gonna happen when I fail Either I'm going to like do it right and it's gonna succeed, or I'm actually gonna learn and I'm gonna grow. And those are the ones that actually make the biggest significant differences in my life is because whenever I feel a problem or situation, it has come up and I feel like there's a somebody's waving a flag of like hey, mark, there's a problem over here, you should probably fix this. I feel like every time I don't fix it, it comes up as a bigger failure next time and next time, and it's like those things which show me where to spend my time and attention. Imagine if, like you, were just like a shot in the dark just trying to fix a million different things. Well, the reason why there's problems or there's failures is because it's there to actually teach you a valuable lesson. So instead, I want you to have this different thought, and that is to embrace failure as a learning tool. Embrace failure as a learning tool. Now, we didn't talk about this in the beginning, but when you have this idea and you realize that your brain is trying to get you to be perfect or it's trying to get you not to fail, there's a opportunity that you have to lean into what's called your heart voice instead of your head voice, and in that moment you can say you know what Failure is actually the greatest learning tool that I can like ever have. I'm not going to try and fail, but I'm gonna try as hard as I can and, on the other end, whatever comes out of it is gonna be a very amazing learning tool. It's gonna teach me either to keep doing it that way or to do something else entirely different, but not doing anything that for me, that is like the real, true version of failure, and I'm not doing any part of that right now. And so when I can like reframe and replug, like re-change the direction of my mind, in that moment it gets me to show up in a way that doesn't help me go, doesn't have me going back the opposite direction or doesn't have me beating myself up. Instead, it's like oh, this is a part of the journey, it's an important part of one. How can I learn? Or what is this thing trying to teach me? And it gets me out of wasting so much time that I used to waste thinking about it over and over and over and over again. It's like no, it's trying to teach you a lesson to move on. Like it's that just doing that has saved me so much time and energy. It is like a gift that I want to give back to you guys. So when you think about that, I want you to no longer approach it as like failure is not an option, but like failure is the fastest way for you to learn. And even that little minor tweak will make a huge significance, not only in everything that you do, especially when it's something new, but in the people that you lead to. Because as we practice this ourselves, as we show people and as we even talk about it right Of like, where we have failed and what we've learned from it, we impart the ideas and philosophies that failure is not like a death sentence. Failure is like the stepping stone to like success in other people, because we're modeling that behavior for them.

Yeah, failure isn't the end of the road. It's just like you said. It's that stepping stone.

Mm-hmm. Okay, I think I'm up next, right? Yeah, geez, I was gonna say kick it over to you so I can get some water, but I guess not. Okay, oh, this is my favorite. This is my favorite belief on the planet, guys, this is my limiting belief. Belief number three is busy equals productive. Busy equals productive. Teresa was actually telling me this yesterday. She's like because I got done work early on Friday and we're just like chilling around, just like having conversations oh, you wanna watch Loki? Oh, do you wanna do this? You wanna do this? We don't have the puppy right now because he's in training. And we're like I felt like man, I feel like I didn't get a lot of stuff done today. And she's like yeah, it's because you didn't like check off the box of the million different to-do things that you had today, because you were able to get ahead. But what I've come to realize is that sometimes, when I'm so busy and I'm like going a million different miles a minute, I feel like so amazing and incredible and I didn't move the needle at all. It was just I was so busy that I'm like, yes, hard worker badge, by the way, I'm gonna get one of those, like my hard worker badge. I did it and I was not doing any of the things that actually moved my business, my life and my family forward. Because simply being busy is not like the definition of what success is, it's being productive. And so whenever my brain gets into, I've gotta keep doing stuff. I've gotta be doing stuff 24, seven. I remind myself. And by what I mean by I remind myself is Teresa looks over me at the couch and says can you just sit there and not do anything? And I'm like Touche, I guess I will sit here and do something. And then I start talking business. She's like no, I don't mean that, but it's not just how busy you are equals productivity. It's the things that you do, it's the intentionality that you bring into it, and it's are you doing the right activities, not are you just busy all the time. This one used to stress me out so much because I would be working so much that I was like I did all of this, I should have all of these results, and it's because I wasn't doing the things that actually led into those results. That's why this belief I want you to lean into, this new one, is prioritize impact over activity. So, prioritize impact over activity. There's this thing called the 80-20 rule, teresa, and I talk about it all the time as a Pareto principle. It's how we literally design our entire life business, family, everything and it says some things matter more than others. So I could spend 24 hours, 365 with my kids just sitting around watching TV with them, or I can take 15 minutes and like watch an anime or play a video game with Andrew or go on a walk with Teresa, and that 15 minutes is all we need to really form an incredible connection, have a great conversation, more than the, however, many hours of us just sitting down and watching TV. Now, that's what I found for me. I'm not saying that that is it's. Watching TV is not something you should do. I've just found, like, when I prioritize and when I make sure that I'm spending time over, like really prioritizing the impact that I'm making over just simply working and doing that I actually produce more in less time. It actually makes me work less, but I actually get more because of it. But here's the thing with this and I know Kurt can feel this too Sometimes, when I start doing that, my brain starts to tell me but Mark, what would happen if you worked more? How much faster would it go? And can I tell you that every time I do that, it actually doesn't go any faster. I just spend more and more time doing more and more activities and I'm trying to like think about, well, if I just spent more time, that will be more results. And it does not always equal more results. You gotta remember, like, there's time for rest of recovery, there's time for letting your brain actually download new answers, there's times for trying new things, and you can't get into that if you're constantly doing, doing, doing, doing. So now I have to rewire it to go okay, I mean, I guess I could do more, but in reality, like, how could I think about this a little differently? How could I actually, you know, maybe try something new that would actually have a bigger impact and even less time? And when I started asking those questions and giving myself the time and space to find the answers, it's incredible how I find those answers. So if you're somebody who has this pop up all the time, busy equals productive. I have to just do more, do more. Chris doesn't think he's talking to me. This is definitely one for you, echo, for you to think about. Okay, does this about me doing more? Or is this about me being more intentional in the impact, with the impact that I want to make, and instead of focusing on throwing more activity at it, what if I just like spent more time doing the things that moved the needle the most? All, right, now it's your turn and I can drink some water.

Oh, that and it seems like this one. That belief was like your biggest revelation.

Yes, and I think you're bringing that up. That is one I still struggle with today. I mean, I literally talked about a conversation no. I'm not talking to you, girl, I'm talking to the world out there. This is one like when you find you're limiting beliefs, guys, you're not going to just instantly think a different thought and have it be gone. It is a work in progress and you need to have an amazing, incredible human that can call you out and you not be offended by it, because you need, if you really do want to get that under control. You have to be reminded of it more than you even need to learn new things, right? So I'm just so thankful that you called me out and you do such a great job of doing that.

My pleasure, my pleasure. All right, let's move on to belief number four. Now, this one might hit hard for some of you I know it hit hard for me and that is that comfort means safety. Comfort means safety. So we all talk about the comfort zone. Just get out of your comfort zone, right? So this is really just like the illusion of safety that it provides. So think about it this way. So it's a comfort zone. I kind of think about it as like this circle around us, like figuratively, the circle around us and anything that we do within that comfort zone, right, are things like not really like being too loud, not really putting yourself out there, just like being in your little comfy box, right, because you're free from judgment, you're free from criticism. We think that's what it is right. And what we're doing is that we are thinking we have this illusion that if we stay within this comfort zone, we'll be just fine, right, we'll be safe, away from like failure and anything like that. But in reality there's a huge downside to this, because never stepping out of that figurative comfort zone, you never grow right? If you're like even thinking about this in the sense that let's say it is a circle and it's a sphere, let's say, and it's like a box, like you can't get out of it. How do you grow from that? Right, you can't grow within this sphere. You have to go outside to grow, to be able to expand and, like you know, grow your wings or whatever, however you want to imagine this. So, not stepping out of your comfort zone or being fearful of stepping outside of that safety zone, you're never gonna grow, you're never gonna figure things out. Like we said, you know, if you don't put it out there, you don't know if you're gonna fail and see what you can correct and make it better. That is just gonna keep you stuck. So this is a really big one for me, because I'm the type of person who never wants to stand out, never want to make noise. I'm a people pleaser. I don't like conflict Like in Mark.

Nozose's season.

Except Red Home. Yeah, once I get comfortable, then I'm like, oh yeah, I'm a different person. But let's not talk about that. Let's talk about what people see on the outside, right, okay, okay, well, how people think of me. But really, in reality, like, I'm that type of person. I don't like conflict and I just don't want to. I don't want a spotlight put on me and I know a lot of you guys can relate to that. It's uncomfortable to be that way, right, but I realized that because I was trying to feel safe, because we all want to feel safe. That's why we don't do certain things, right, we don't jump, most of us don't jump out of planes because we're afraid that we're gonna die, right, so, like, we always try to be and live within that safety zone. But what I realized was every time that I, with the help of, sometimes, people on the outside, would push me a little bit outside of my comfort zone or would say you know, just try this, a whole new world would open up for me. Right, I was deathly afraid of speaking in public or in, especially in small groups, like, I worked in the kind of the corporate world or whatever, and I would sometimes have to give presentations to a small group of people, but that group of people were very smart, very, like you know, influential, so that would scare me so much. So what I did was okay, I know I have to do this. I can't avoid this my entire career or my entire life. So what can I do? Oh, I can get better at speaking. What should I do? Oh, I joined a Toastmasters club, right, and I did that for a while and I acquired some skills to be able to do that. Now I'm doing a live video on YouTube. No problem, right, I still get nervous, but I, you know, once I get comfortable, it's like whatever, like I know this topic, like I can share it. So it's not that big deal for me. But I would never have experienced that had I not stepped out of my comfort zone, had I not put myself in an environment to actually go and talk and you know, like the Toastmasters things, or raise my hand when you know, like I was in class or all of those things Like, can you see how that is living? Right? Living is stepping outside of your comfort zone and pushing the limits on what you feel you're capable of doing. So another belief that you can have, instead of comfort, means safety. Another belief you can have, you can work on, is growth lives outside of your comfort zone. Just like I said, life happens and you can enjoy life outside of your comfort zone. So that is something that I can still work on as well, because there are things that I'm really afraid of, that I tend to shy away from, because I feel like I'm gonna fail or it's not gonna be perfect or whatever. It's like all of this, like this one belief is kind of like a culmination of the other beliefs that we've talked about.

Yeah, 100%, 100%. I think I like to shine the spotlight on you, even though you don't love it so much.

Literally, I'm like no.

Yes, but you definitely do not like confrontation. I know, if you're in the car with Theresa and somebody cuts her off, she's gonna like there's gonna be some MFers, there's gonna be some bombs. But when she gets up to the stoplight she's gonna be like, oh hi, like it's funny how that happens. But it's just, some people are wired like that. Right, some people are wired like that, and you're right, getting out of your comfort zone is so huge. Now I wanna give people some ideas of like what, in reality, what do you mean? Getting comfort means safety. My brain doesn't say that. Have you ever said this? Guys, I don't have the time, I just don't have the money. Like, I've already invested enough already. Guys, that is living within your comfort zone. Your brain is trying to convince you that you don't have any more time, that you don't have the energy, that you've already invested enough. You should already have been able to achieve your goal by now, and that is all. Let me get back into my comfort zone. This one is a very difficult one because, just in and of itself, is where you feel most comfortable. So if you don't have to find any more time, if you don't have to spend any more money if you don't have to learn or grow, that's comfortable. Let me just get back into my little comfort zone right here and remember, like Teresa said, you live outside of your comfort zone, like here's. Like what I see happen a lot and this also happens with me too is and because I know it now I can actually lean into it. And that is like when I get to a certain level of growth, whenever my brain says, well, I've invested enough in this, like I don't think I need to invest in the next thing, I remind myself, well, like I've got to still continue to be outside of my comfort zone. That means that I cannot not allow the fact that I have I don't have the money or I don't have the time or any of that stuff to hold me back. I want to get to the real reason why I don't want to continue on and I don't want to throw these fake reasons of I don't have money, I don't have time or whatever. Guys, I can just tell you the number of times that I've seen this happen, where somebody's like I just can't invest in myself and then the next day I see them go on a top target shopping spree where they spend like $950 on just random stuff, and it's because it's really a deep either belief in themselves or they just actually don't even think about it, right Cause, also, shopping can be like this buffering activity when, in reality, when you're investing in yourself, for example, on a skill it is a skill that you will have for the rest of your life that people use credit cards to buy just random things that are going to break down, or buy the biggest car, and then how can they convince themselves to do that or to make time for doing things that aren't don't move the needle, when, in reality, if they had spent that same time or money in the direction of where they want, what they want to actually create in their life, it would totally transform and change them into, like an entirely different person. Now here's the thing. Like most people don't know. This is we've been in business now for since when? Is it 12 years or 13?

years.

Okay, so in 2012 is when we started our business. I don't want to like I don't. I don't want you guys to go through this, but there was about nine to 10 years of us investing in our business, and our business was under every single year. Think about that for a second. Every year, we were making $30 to $40,000 and every year, we were putting out $40 to $50,000 in growth. We were like, how can we grow? How can we sustain this? How can we hire people? How can we do this? And we got to the point and I don't remember exactly when the year was, but we got to the point that we had invested so much in ourselves that, like we were the resource, we were who people were coming to to ask for help and to get to go through this process. And it's because we were investing in ourselves that got us to be the point where we were just naturally outside of our comfort zone that we kept going and going and going. And it was very easy Maybe your three, maybe five, maybe seven to convince ourselves to stop doing that. Like, what are we doing? Like we're literally making all of this money and investing it back into the business. And if we had gotten back into our comfort zone, we wouldn't be where we are here today, where Teresa got to retire from her job. I got to retire from my job. I get to be a life coach and a leadership coach, like here on YouTube, like loving what I'm doing, and it's because we had to be willing to get outside of our comfort zone and stay there, not just get out of there once or twice, but to keep making our comfort zone grow. I like to think of it this way Like Teresa says, it's a box, but I feel like it kind of grows and then that becomes our new comfort zone and then we're like we'll just chill here, and then you don't realize that you're back into your comfort zone because now it's comfortable for you. It's like when you get into a room and you feel, like Teresa was saying, like there's a lot of smart people in there, can I just tell you, like, if you're giving presentation to smart people, you're in the right room. But a lot of people are like, let me get into a room where there's a lot of dumb people so I can give presentations, right, not like that is realistic, but in reality we're like how do I get into a room where I feel comfortable to speak. Well then you're in the wrong room, because now you're back into your comfort zone. You've got to keep expanding that room and expanding it and expanding. You get to this point. You're like what's the next level of growth? All right, what's the next thing that I have to do? What's the next skill that I have to learn? Who's the next group of people that I need to make sure that I hang out with? And it's like this exponential thing where it's constantly growing. And so sometimes we feel like we are getting outside of our comfort zone, but we don't really think about it again. Like am I in my new comfort zone? Have I now expanded it? And now it's time to expand again. And as you continue to grow, that's literally the value that you bring to the marketplace, especially as an entrepreneur is like now, because I have gone through like I think it was one time I counted like 42 different courses, mentorships and getting coached by different people. Like I've learned so many different things. Like I have so many different avenues that I can help people with. But I'm not just going to rest on that. I'm constantly now asking how do I get into a bigger room, how can I help, even make a bigger impact, and it's not from within my comfort zone. One of the things that happened recently is I was invited to a leadership summit for dads and I have both Kurt and Josh speaking into my ear saying listen, you need to go in there with the mentality of, yes, I'm going to go in there and I'm going to coach and I'm going to give people a lot of amazing experiences there, but you need to connect with the right people in the room. It's no longer about just going in the room and helping just some of the few humans that are in there sitting around you. It's how do you get in front of the people who are putting the thing on so you can make an even bigger impact? And being a quote unquote introvert, wanting to go into the training and then go back and sleep the rest of the time in my hotel, I was like, no, I need to get out here and I need to make a bigger impact. I need to get outside of my comfort zone. And so it was from like 7 am to 7 pm. I was around people and I was talking and I was coaching and I was trying to see what I could do to help to inspire, but also not just them, also the people who were literally there in charge of the whole entire process. And because of that, I'm literally in conversations with those people to help teach and train inside of their programs, to help on their team. Because I got outside of my comfort zone, I got the microphone and gave like a little bit of a mini inspirational piece because I was like I need to be on a bigger scale, not just helping the people around me. That's great, but like how can I help everybody in this entire thing? And if I had gotten back into my comfort zone and I didn't have people like Kurt in my life to push me and say, no, come on, man, you got a little bit more in there I would have been able to get back into my comfort zone. So this is one of those things where it's this constantly evaluation of like, where am I? Am I back into my comfort zone? And how do I make sure that I hang out with people who are going to make sure that they pushed me and I get pushed out of my comfort zone, because they know that that's truly what I want to do is make the biggest impact in the world. So that one, of course, all of these are really, really important. That's another one that hits me really, really deep, because I feel like it's very easy for me to get into the back of the room again, to not be the person in the front, to like just try and blend in, just try and be quiet, and it's not where I truly do shine. It's when I lean in and when I get outside of my comfort zone that I see the biggest difference. So, all right, ready to jump into the last one, belief number five Steve. Good morning, my brother, steve is here. Steve is here. Okay, so number five is more is always better, it's more better. So I kind of talked about this when I was talking about the third belief, but really this idea of like, in order for you to achieve more, you have to do more, is the biggest fallacy that I've ever found in life. Do you know people who work less than you, who work harder than you, who make more money than you? Yeah, cause I do. I know some people who work their tail off and they don't make enough money to make ends me. It's not directly related to how much you do. It also has a lot to do with what you do with that time, right? So it's not that more is always better and like. When I think about that, when I think about like there's people who have the same amount of time as me but they get more done. There's people who have, like, who make more money than me and do way less than I do. It helps me to start to think and reframe things a little bit different, because it's not just about putting more time and more energy into it. It's about first identifying, like, what moves the needle the most and that's where you spend your time. It's shifting it, like, a little bit away from quantity into quality, and Kurt and I have even been talking about this is why we're making a change on YouTube, because now it's not just all about, like, doing as much as you physically can, but how about doing some of that stuff, but doing it even better and improving the quality, rather than just throwing more and more action at things? Now for this, that is what I want to encourage you guys to think about is a shift in focus from quality over quantity, so quality over quantity, instead of pushing yourself to do more, more, more, more. Not only identify what the most important activities are. But start asking yourself how can I improve quality over quantity? All right, anything you got to add on that one.

No, sorry, it's having trouble with the mute button. You pulled it in. Yeah, all these inside jokes, sorry guys. No, this is very similar to the other one the busy equals productive, right. So very similar idea, but just kind of set in a different way. So, yeah, I think all of these beliefs are probably something that many of us have, like all of these altogether. Some of us have a couple of them. But just realizing that this is kind of going on in the background and that you kind of just like we always talk about this as life coaches, we help, like, bring some of these things up to the surface so you can decide what to do next, right, it's about taking the next step and deciding whether you want to change it or you want to stay the same. Right, because it's always your choice. But just having that awareness is super important because you can start to see how some of these things are creating your reality. Right, and if you want that reality perfect, you want to stay there, that's fine. But if you do want to make changes, you can start little by little in some of these beliefs and uncovering them so that you can start making better choices or different choices for yourself 100% Okay.

So here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna go over them one more time and I want to hear from you guys which one is the one that you feel like is your flavor of your belief system, of your flavor of self-sabotage, your flavor of trying to hold you back all right. So number one is perfection is the goal. Number two is failure is not an option. Number three is busy equals productive. That one's mine. I'll just jump in there for that one. Number four is comfort means safety. And number five is more is always better, it's more better. So let me know which one of those is the one that you feel that holds you back the most, so that we can lean into that next week. Now, kind of what Teresa said there is always no positive thing that comes out of guilt or shaming yourself. When you become aware of this, it's now that you become aware. With it, now you can have and put together some strategies to be able to overcome them. Now there's one specific thing that we hear more than like. It's the thing we hear most often. That is like people say that they feel stuck in their business, they feel stuck in their life, they feel stuck in their career, they feel stuck in their personal life, and that is like one belief that we actually have already done a recording on. But I know a lot of you guys. If you come into that moment where you are starting to feel stuck and you want to have a strategy to get unstuck, we're gonna leave you a video at the end and this is a workshop that Teresa and I did which talks about how to make sure that you never, how to make sure that you overcome being stuck in your business and life, so you never have to feel that way again. If you're somebody who has this like idea of being stuck, definitely dive into that. We'll leave you the link and you tap it at the end once we get this video edited. But dive into that, because that is another way that our brain can convince us that it's not that we don't know what to do. We don't know what the next step is, and we wanna help you, guide you through that process, so that you can see what your brain is doing and find a different path, if you so choose. So, guys, thank you very much for making it to the end. Thank you for spending time here with us. Of course, keep leading from the front and we'll see you guys on the next video. Teresa, you did amazing, as always shining the spotlight on you. Thanks, All right guys and we'll see you guys next weekend, all right, bye, bye, bye yeah.