Mom Brain Unpacked: Navigating the Mental Load

Hey, my name is Teresa Hildebrand and this is Organized Chaos. We take a deep dive into living with intentionality, focusing on what's important in our lives so we can truly feel our best. It may feel chaotic at times, but with a little organization, the right mindset and a ton of self-love, we can still thrive. Join me as we talk to other busy moms and experts who will share tips and strategies to help you reach your goals. Hope you enjoy this episode of Organized Chaos. Now on to the show. Hey friends, welcome to this episode of Organized Chaos. So today I want to talk about a topic that, oh man, it's been one of those things that I really wanted to talk about but for some reason, like, I would just put it off and it's been on my mind for some time, which is ironic. But it's about the mental load, the mental load that moms carry, that invisible load that we have that really drains us emotionally, physically and mentally. So my goal for today's episode is hopefully to help lighten the load a little bit for you. So what is it? What is mental load? So this is primarily like the invisible tasks that we have swirling around in our brains. It's kind of like that emotional labor that moms often carry. Now, this is like planning things, organizing stuff and just a lot of the responsibilities that we have that we don't always just write down. They're just things that are in our mind and we kind of have this mental to-do list that just piles on over time. So, because it's in our brain and we don't always verbalize it, that's why it seems like this invisible load that we carry. You know, it's those thoughts that are hey, I need to remember to wash the kids uniforms for this weekend, or, oh, I have to make that doctor's appointment. Oh, and I remember we don't have eggs. I have to put that on the list. And it's just like a lot of little things that seem like very minor but they're major because they help run the household. But then there's also the worry. So if you're an anxious person, you're constantly worried about things that might happen or how things are going to turn out, and there's this constant rattling in the brain of just all of the things. I can only imagine if someone opened up a brain of a mom and what would happen If thoughts and just things that we think about would just spill out physically. What would that look like? It would just be this mess. Now, it seems like this is a common thing and you're probably relating to a lot of this, because I think this is something that moms have to deal with. But what is the impact that this has on us physically, mentally and emotionally? Right, and of course it can't be good. Right, it's probably really taxing and draining to our energy and it can affect our relationships and it can affect, you know, what we do and don't do and really what we're capable of, because it could be so consuming. And this is even if you have a supportive partner, because I know that my husband is super involved, but I feel like I still carry most of that mental load. Now, when I was doing some research on this topic, I actually found that there was a study that had like a positive benefit to this. Now, hear me out on this. So, in this study, they were investigating, kind of like, the effects of this, like extra mental load, and they found that, like, mothers tend to perform a greater share of the hands on child care duties than fathers do and also spend more time and energy thinking about their family's needs. Now, like I said before, there's some negative aspects to it. Right, because it's physically and mentally draining and it can also affect your relationships, because now, if you do carry this kind of invisible load the most in like your and your relationship, then you kind of have like this pent up resentment towards your partner. But here was something else that they found. So in this study they found that quote successfully meaning the family's challenges can create a sense of fulfillment that spills over to and benefits people's work. It also says that people find some meaning and purpose in taking on some aspects of the invisible load for their family. So, in other words, people felt a sense of joy in taking on this responsibility, like taking on the responsibility to fulfill the family's needs. But it's still hard and it can be very, very stressful. So I want to share a few things that can actually help in kind of relieving that pressure of having to do it all and think about every little thing that has to be done. So when I first started the episode, I mentioned the term invisible load and that's simply because these things are in our head and we don't really verbalize it. But that's kind of step number one is talking about it, communicating with your partner or or maybe communicating with the whole family and see how you can actually divvy up some of these responsibilities so that it doesn't all fall on you and you can start to alleviate some of that pressure. Now, of course, it all depends on what everybody's capable of doing. So if you have really small kids, you know there are certain things that they can do on their own right. It really just depends on their age. But like, for example, my kids, they're teenagers now. They can do a lot more than what they're doing. But I also have to communicate that with them. So if I want them to start doing their own laundry, I have to communicate with them and not just like feel like, oh, they're just gonna one day pick up their clothes from the floor and put the laundry in the washer. That's not gonna happen. So I have to communicate that and I have to set some boundaries and also kind of let go of the need for me to do it all, because that's another thing. Right, it's like there's this element of control, and then it's like maybe it's just my personality, but I'm like okay, if I want this done, right, like I got to do it. If I let my kids like wash their clothes, they're probably like all their clothes would be pink because something would happen. So I have to get that out of my brain too and realize that they're young adults and they could do a lot, and I just got to let them do it. And if they mess up their clothes and then mess up with their clothes, they learn right. Another thing that I have found to be just, I guess, really critical now is just writing things down. Okay, I really have to get things off my brain and onto paper because that is just, it's all accumulating in there and it just fogs up my brain. So, even if it seems super minor, like, I'll write it down, even if it's on a post-it note, and then I can decide what I want to do with it. Like I can decide that, okay, this is something that I'm going to take on, there's something that I'm going to schedule, or you know what. This is something that I don't really need to do and I'm going to ask somebody else to do it. So that has been really helpful, just because it not only takes it out of your mind with all of the other stuff you have going on, but then it also gives you the ability to prioritize. Another interesting thing that I found in reading some of these articles was someone was mentioning that they think that moms are burnt out for multiple reasons, but they just don't have time to sit and think about why they feel this way, and I think it's important to discuss this with someone. So if you are feeling like you're emotionally taxed because you're carrying this mental load, it's really important to talk to someone and just share that. Maybe you're not ready to talk to your significant other to see how you can kind of divvy up some of these responsibilities. It's like you need to actually talk to someone and, in a sense, vent about all of the responsibilities that you have and that you're taking on, because I have found that even saying it out loud is therapeutic. It's a way for you to just kind of release it and then you can kind of dissect it and figure out why you feel this way, what are the triggers and then ways that you can cope with it. But just saying things out loud is very helpful. So if you're ever wanting to kind of discuss this with someone else, you can always reach out to me. I go over this quite a bit with some of my clients because this will pop up a lot. So if you ever need someone to listen to you talk about some of the the mental load that you have and maybe find ways to manage it. You can always reach out to me, okay? So that's all I have for you today. I hope that was helpful. I hope you enjoyed it and you're doing amazing. Like I know, it can be super, super hard some days, but you're doing amazing and you're a great mom. All right, I hope you have an amazing rest of your day and I'll see you next week.